Finding calm amongst the chaos

Lately I haven’t been able to write, lately I haven’t been able to read, lately finding calm amongst the chaos has become one of life’s greatest challenges.

Nine months ago I found myself unwell and unable to work, and I thought it would be a great chance to get into blogging, and to begin with, it went well. I felt like I had purpose again, and was enjoying getting online and doing something I love. But then we got fires in Australia, and I couldn’t go to the beach, because it was too smokey and hot. Then covid hit, and well, that changed the game.

Suddenly enough was happening around me that calm was difficult to find. Pleasure in things that I loved just wasn’t there. All the spiritual work in the world hadn’t fully prepared me for these moments in time, so I did what we all did, and grieved.

I grieved the loss of a world that was, even if it wasn’t truly working. I grieved for the life I had, unsure I could ever get it back; with my health in uncertainty, returning to nursing, a profession that has become high risk, suddenly didn’t feel like a good option.

I had lost my calm. So I didn’t write, I didn’t meditate, and I didn’t spend time in nature. All those tools that used to work, stopped working.

But time has passed, and time, does heal. I find myself back in a more grounded place, able to write, able to read, able to meditate, and able to sit in the volatile energies that remain on the planet. Calm for myself, has returned.

For many though, calm has not returned, and it may not for a while. As a planet, we are grieving, and some will move through this process quickly, some slowly, and like all grief processes, it’s a very individual and unique experience. It cannot be rushed through, or ignored, or ran away from.

There is likely no magic solution to that sense of calm returning, and even when it returns, it can be lost again quickly, as the world is seemingly less predictable than it once was. Chaos, has become the new normal.

So for those still feeling volatile, and working through deep emotions, I honour you where you are. It is exactly where you are meant to be; don’t rush it, don’t run from it, and don’t be angry with it. Just allow it to be, and given the right amount of time, calm will return. In the meanwhile, be patient with yourself, be loving with yourself, and be for yourself what you wish others could be for you.

The twin flame journey: Do we all have a twin flame?

There is so much myth surrounding the concept of twin flames, and like all myths there is some truth hidden within the stories, but be careful of taking it as a literal explanation.

I have explored the origin of twin flames in a bit of depth, and find the reasons for why such a deep connection exists tends to be a bit overly romantic and idealistic.

The idea that we all have a twin flame, and it is the other half of our soul is just something I don’t resonate with at all. It strikes me as a plot to a romantic movie, and not necessarily a plot that exists in real life. The suggestion that this split occurred at the beginning of time bothers me even more. This reasoning would suggest we all have a twin flame, but it also suggests we are somehow incomplete and faulty until we reunite with our other half….hmmm, not convinced.

Another suggestion is that a twin flame is an incarnation of the same soul twice. Basically this would mean that your soul has decided within this lifetime to experience two different perspectives, and meeting would be part of the plan. Again the idea around this one is often that we all have a twin flame, but you will only meet if you are ready for that experience. Now, while I think the idea of a soul stream projecting into two bodies is actually fairly realistic and possible, the suggestion that meeting is because you’re ready doesn’t really sit right with me. The problem with this idea is that many people find themselves on a twin flame path who have a lot of healing and inner work to do and aren’t actually ready, so why would some souls have this experience and not others?

A third concept I came across is that you are an energetic match, like a duplicate, and because of this you are very drawn to each other. So a different soul, but made of the same stuff. This idea does seem to exist in the absence of any romantic ideals, and doesn’t say one way or the other if we all have a twin flame. The theory seems to be that when your souls were created, they were created basically out of the same spark (so to speak).

Personally I feel that not everyone does have a twin flame, mostly because I don’t actually agree these theories are necessarily accurate. One possibility I have thought is that perhaps a number of theories exist because twins can occur a number of different ways. Maybe sometimes a soul has split because it’s ready to, maybe other times it split at the beginning, and perhaps other times it is one soul sending itself into multiple people. This is why I largely feel the reason is a little irrelevant, although interesting to explore, it doesn’t really change the experience in any way shape or form.

It is also worth remembering that any deep soul connection that exists across lifetimes, no matter why it is this deep, is going to have all the hallmarks of a twin flame path, whether it is a twin or not.

So why do I feel that not everyone has one? Well, it just seems unlikely. I think we are whole complete souls, all of us. If we split at any point it’s because our soul had evolved enough to create two complete souls, whole in their own right. If you are having a twin flame experience it is simply because that is the experience you wanted as a soul in this lifetime, perhaps over many lifetimes. I don’t believe we are all in the same place within our own soul evolution, so not all of us are going to want or need this experience right now, and honestly, I think the world would be in chaos if we all took a twin flame path at the same time. I don’t believe that any amount of inner work is going to help you meet your twin either. Many on this path didn’t look for the experience, and many looking to meet their twin wont.

If you don’t have a twin flame, this doesn’t mean you cannot experience deep love. Soul mates can provide an equally deep connection, and the relationship will likely be easier. Spiritually it isn’t necessary to have a twin flame to learn the lessons available on that path. Inner work and healing is for everyone.

If you do have one, you may find one of these reasons do resonate, but if not that is okay too. Always look within for answers, see what your intuition tells you on why, it might not be any of these reasons for you. Ultimately, the reasons are just possibilities. You would be on the path no matter how much learning on the topic you do, and would still be moving towards the ultimate gift this path provides, the gift of unconditional love for yourself, your twin, and for all that is.

Why I explore Wicca more than other religions

As someone delving into different theologies and practices as a way of finding my own personal path, I have personally gained a lot from exploring Wicca, and have integrated many of the ideas into my daily practice.

Would I call myself Wiccan? I am still yet to find any religion I want to identify with, because so many theologies and practices have influenced where I am today, it wouldn’t feel accurate to say I am this or I am that.

However, Wicca is probably the most dominant in my current practice. Now this isn’t because I have found a deity I resonate with, or that I am busy casting spells to create abundance or love in my life. Actually, my Wicca based practice looks very different to that.

For me personally, I have gained a lot from Wicca in that it provides some real tools for psychological and physical healing. It has helped me connect to myself, to nature, and to spirit in a more tangible way.

At first I felt irritated by the ideas, questioning why tools were necessary when it is really a very internal process. Over time however, I found the tools really helped me focus, far better than any standard meditation practice ever had.

I questioned why deity seemed to be such a necessary part of it, when so many people were saying it was a very individual religion and there were no rules. But as I dived deeper, I found people practicing with all sorts of beliefs, and they certainly were not all pagan. I also found some benefit to deity to integrate aspects of myself, as archetypes I do find deity a beneficial way to connect with parts of myself I have rejected or not been able to believe was part of me.

Unlike other religions, it really does seem to lack any dogma. The apparent rules are really more a result of the individual practitioner you are learning from sharing what worked from them.

The other thing I questioned when I began exploring this, is the fanfare that seemed standard in many prewritten spells. I now know, that this is really more of an example of how it can be done, than a this is the only way it will work (which is what I originally thought). I’ve actually never used a spell from a book, but rather used the ideas from books to create my own process. I found there were processes that were very powerful for me, and other ideas that just were a bit benign.

The only aspect I still cannot find any connection with is ritual. This is probably more a result of growing up without any real religious practice in my house, so ritual seems strange in any form. Obviously I have rituals like brushing my teeth every day, but that is as far as it goes. I do however enjoy taking notice of what the moon is doing, and how it is impacting me emotionally, which is in a small way connecting with the idea of ritual.

The aspect of Wicca though that really has held the most benefit is the idea of the feminine and masculine energies. Many spiritual teachers do talk about this, but I personally have found it very difficult to find harmony between the masculine and feminine within. Experiences in life have had me basically reject my inner masculine, but Wicca has provided some methods to create that harmony and reconnect with that masculine part of myself I previously wanted nothing to do with.

Would I recommend exploring Wicca to others? I personally try not to recommend anything to others, but if asked, I would definitely recommend trying it out and diving deep before making a decision. After all, I do feel we all have different needs when it comes to spirituality, and what works for one may not work for another. If nothing else finding out what Wicca is really all about will open your mind and create understanding, which is always a good thing.


How female superheroes help the feminine collective tap into the warrior archetype

Throughout history, there has pretty much always been great male warrior characters in stories, but the occurrence of women in these roles was a lot less common. Sure, there are some decent female warrior types amongst pagan goddesses, but apart from that I can’t say I really noticed many while I was growing up.

In my childhood, as a child of the 80s, the damsel in distress was the most common female hero being presented in books, tv, and movies.

But as I got older, female warriors were becoming more and more common. The terminator series shows a pretty great example with Sarah Conner, who in the first movie has no ability to defend herself, but by the second had turned herself into a warrior in order to protect her son.

Buffy was another great example, a very petite and seemingly defenseless female that saves the world a lot. As a teenager when this series began, being shown an example of a character that was strong and capable, but still able to maintain her femininity was incredibly empowering. Even though these skills were magical, the show made an effort to show how hard she trained to achieve this, and even went so far as to take how powers away in an episode to show that she could fight the monsters with intelligence alone.

Yes, I am a buffy fan.

What I am noticing these days though, is that female warrior characters aren’t just the occasional occurrence, and they aren’t necessarily sexualised as can be seen with Rey Skywalker.

I particularly love the way in superhero comic movies, female superheroes are playing starring roles, like Captain Marvel. For the children of today, this is powerful for boys and girls alike.

For me personally, I greatly value these characters. Tapping into my warrior archetype in my everyday life has not been something I find easy to do. This isn’t to say I want to go and beat up the bad guys and shoot people, it’s that the warrior archetype allows us to feel strong and that we can defend ourselves, that it is within our power to protect those we love if we need to.

For this reason, I value watching these types of shows as much as any other spiritual endeavour, and honestly believe it to be healing. So next time you are sitting down watching some seemingly B grade movie with a loveable female superhero, treat it as a healing experience, you are definitely not just wasting your time with simple entertainment.

…and if you are just wasting your time with simple entertainment, shrug and smile, and remember we are here for fun too.


Underlying spiritual and psychological reasons for illness, and why I’m calling BS on it

As someone who has endured lengthy periods of debilitating chronic illness (and I mean years), I find the idea that there might be a psychological or spiritual reason behind it a bit difficult.

This isn’t to say I don’t think it holds any truth, I actually think it is very valid and holds a lot of truth. But from the very earth based 3D reality I live in, it is a little irrelevant.

Sure, I can absolutely see how long term chronic illness has helped me evolve spiritually. I have done past life regressions to see if there is anything karmic behind it, delved into inner child work, shadow work, as well as typical psychology to deal with my experiences in life.

Here is the conclusion I recently came to though, and trust me when I say I’ve had a lot of time since I have been recently plunged back in to facing the chronic illness challenge. It just doesn’t matter.

All of this stuff can be true, and still not matter. This is because we do exist in a human body, and no matter how spiritually evolved we may be, we still need to address and deal with issues within this physical vessel (maybe with the exception of a few very enlightened people, not there yet).

This isn’t to say the inner work isn’t worth doing, it absolutely is. Inner work is lifelong, and facing challenges isn’t the only reason to dive deep. What I have realised though, is while the inner work is important for my healing on many levels, including physical, this isn’t in the absence of 3D strategies.

I still need to see doctors, take medicines, try various healing modalities, and ultimately give myself the loving care I need.

This spiritual truth is valid, but like many spiritual truths, it isn’t in opposition to earth based realities. It is actually in tandem with them, and both areas are part of healing.

The ‘G’ bomb and pantheism

It can be very difficult when you first start exploring spiritual teachings after many years of feeling fairly solid as an atheist to deal with how often the ‘G’ bomb is dropped.

These days I don’t consider myself atheist at all, fairly likely you could define me fairly correctly as a pantheist. As such, I have my own beliefs of what I feel god is, but since this isn’t in line with the traditional Christian man in the sky version I grew up hearing about, hearing the word is a little triggering.

I do realise it is possibly a sign of a need for some inner work if I am still treating the word god as if it is a swear word, but in my circles for a very long time, it was. Now this isn’t because I grew up surrounded by heathens, this is actually because many of my close circle did grow up with Christianity and had rejected the idea as they grew up, feeling it wasn’t in line with their own personal path.

It has taken me some time to understand that many people use the word god who also hold a fairly pantheist view, so I have found teachers I resonate with because of this. I have even become comfortable with reading books that use the word god frequently, as I have come to see that many of the teachings are still worth taking in, even if the surrounding stories are not in line with my own beliefs.

A while ago, I watched a video by Matt Kahn, who made an interesting statement which I actually found at the time a little offensive. He basically said that your comfort with the word god was an indication of spiritual maturity. Hmmm, thanks Matt, for calling me a child.

Here is the thing that has surprised me, he was actually kind of right. Because really, it is just a word, and we can attach any meaning we want to it.

Does that mean I am now more spiritually mature? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps I have just come to a point of not needing others to have my own point of view to find what they have to say valid. Or, perhaps I have started just attaching a different meaning to the word so effectively myself, that it just isn’t a trigger for me anymore.

Ultimately, I don’t think it would ever be my preferred defining word for what I personally feel or believe. I do prefer oneness, all that is, or the universe, but it is no longer because I personally find the word god triggering, it is more that I feel within my circles other words are just going to be better understood.

Did you notice the lack of capital letter at the beginning of the word god? My small way of expressing I mean oneness and not an almighty interventionist version.

As an extra note, this is not intended as a post to offend those with different beliefs, just an exploration of my own struggle with a simple word.

Twin flames, divine counterparts & deep soul connections: A deeper truth

If you are reading this page right now, it’s likely that you find yourself on this path whether you wanted to be or not.

You have probably read extensively on it, trying to decide if this is really what is happening to you, or if you are just experiencing yet another soul lesson (equally valuable, but we tend to judge our own paths).

Amongst experts, you will find a variety of opinions; that they don’t exist, that it’s just karmic, that twin flames aren’t meant to come together, or that they are once you have healed. It can all leave you feeling a bit overwhelmed, and likely no closer to feeling any certainty.

Sometimes this information comes from spiritual gurus, other times it’s from those who have come into union, and of course from those not in union but very much on the path.

At times it can feel as if the community surrounding this idea has formed its own religion, other times it can feel as if no one understands and that you are on this path alone…you aren’t by the way, it’s just a feeling. Ego plays nasty tricks.

The conclusion I ended up coming to? It actually doesn’t really matter, this isn’t an uncommon experience in reality, you can join a group to feel less alone, or just explore on your own. I find the labels are really very irrelevant, if you find yourself exploring this topic it is because you are having some sort of deep connection, and likely it isn’t going how you would like.

No one outside of you can tell you if this is really a twin flame experience or isn’t, only you know (doubt is normal too for everyone). Equally, no one can actually make a generalisation that twin flames are meant to come together or aren’t. Since like many things in life it is an individual journey, there is no outside source that can say how it is or isn’t meant to go.

There is also no rulebook. You aren’t required to let go, or move on, or any other action that someone may have told you is needed. The deeper truth is no matter what, you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, and there are no real mistakes. So flow with it, enjoy the highs, curse the lows, and surf the waves of what is a very difficult path.

New beginnings

Around a year and a half ago, I found myself after having my life turned upside down by a series of catalysts (AKA trauma) having a fairly unexpected experience. I didn’t know what to call it at the time, I now know it as an awakening, but at the time what I was actually thinking was that I had finally gone crazy.

In truth this journey began well before that, a lifetime of experiences and lessons had led me there, but it seemed all I needed was the final piece. In my case, the final piece was the result of a yoga retreat.

I had practiced yoga on and off for many years, had explored meditation, journaling, and what I now know as shadow work. But at this retreat it all came together, and the bigger picture came exploding into my awareness. Like many who have an awakening (not all, we all have different paths), I felt deep peace, oneness, like the entire world was vibrating and I only just noticed. My understanding now is that this really was the first stage, and that deeper awakenings happen after this, because the rabbit hole goes pretty deep and I am yet to find the end, if there is one.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, the come down from this was pretty intense, and I found myself deep in my own inner muck going through my own dark night of the soul.

For many years I had considered myself atheist, proudly arguing for science and absolute solid ‘truths’, only to find myself questioning everything I previously believed and knew.

So of course I did what anybody does in this situation, I went seeking answers. At first I looked outside of myself, watching, reading, learning. It took some time for me to realise that I had to go within. After first trying some less than ideal solutions (you know, drinking a lot, shopping, escaping), I eventually decided my quick fixes weren’t working, and I turned to what I already knew. Meditation became a daily habit, I got back into journaling and shadow work, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to understand more.

I started exploring different religions, myths, watching channelled messages, and reading about ideas I previously judged as crazy.

I believe this journey is lifelong, and while I have gained a lot by exploring deeply, I know that I am a student on this path, and I am nowhere near what I would consider an expert. But as this path can be long and lonely, I felt it was time to share my experiences and explorations with the hope that it reaches someone in need.

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